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BAMF Bolts across Black Sunday, Wins Week 15
Money Market collapes along with Colts perfection
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For much of the NFL and affiliated funkypool, Week 15 was a weekend full of 
broken hopes, crushed dreams, and overwhelming despair.  The Colts missed 
out on a chance to officially be the best team in NFL history, the Bucs were 
exposed like a naked man suffering shrinkage in the Northeastern frost, the 
Falcons were exposed like a naked boy suffering shrinkage in the Midwestern 
frost, the Brett Favre era continued to diminish in depressing fashion, and 
Raider Nation hit rock bottom, again.  In the FunkyPool, Money and Jen, in 
forgetting to submit their picks for Saturday's early games, plummetted like 
Depression-era stockbrokers, to 12th and 15th place respectively.  Former 
Slate-holder Mike Godsey took another beating, and has virtually resigned 
himself to another season below the playoff line.  And former Slate-holder 
Chris Sabbe, Keith Wengronowitz, Kevin Sabbe, Mike Schussel, and Kendoggie 
Vis all finished at the bottom again, confirming their Seasons of Despair, 
and probably eliminating them mathematically.
       But across the black backdrop flashed a golden Supercharger.  The 
Chargers resurrected their hope with an impressive win at Indy, and Patrick 
Godsey likewise made an improbable rush at the playoff line with an 
impressive Weekly Win.  The Chargers now need two tough road wins to see 
some longshot playoff action; Patrick is now only six points away from 
sneaking into the playoff pack.
      Overall, Eric Emerton stuck with his consistent rushing attack, 
playing rather conservative but still finishing just one point out of the 
money.  And once again, almost everyone else above the playoff line stayed 
the middle road, and thus failed again to create any threat to the 
Emerton-Emerton two-horse race.  It seems that the pack's philosophy is to 
hang out 50-80 points back for the rest of the season and then make their 
move in the playoffs.  Again, the exception was Jason Sullivan, who played 
things about 300 dots riskier than the herd, and once more made ground on 
the Emertons.  Kathy Walser followed up her Week 14 ass-kicking with an 
impressive 2nd place finish, gaining 19 points on the leader.
     In actual NFL action, Sullivan's Patriots tossed all the tea from the 
Buccaneer full boat, and then sunk it.  And then peed in the ocean.  Kathy's 
Broncos ran over Diane's Bills.  Adam's Browns took over what is left of 
Raider Nation.



If Only....
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- If the Colts, Packers, Titans, Lions, Chiefs, or Bucs had won, Kathy 
would've won her second straight week.

- If the Colts had won, Kathy would've won her second straight week by 14 
points.

- If the Vikings had won, Diane would've won another week.

- If Kevin Sabbe hadn't done so atrociously (or neglected to submit picks 
himself), the Retseks would've gained 24 points.  Dylan would be in 6th, and 
Jen would be back in the playoffs.


Stats!
----------
- Patrick's weekly win is his 3rd after 9 years in the pool.  Mike and 
Patrick Godsey have now combined for 96 money finishes -- 10 more than the 
Sabbe brothers, and 14 more than the Wyatt brothers.

- Officially, at press time, this is the first time that Dylan "Money" 
Retsek has EVER finished in last place, after nine years in the pool.  Some 
argue that "failing to submit picks" doesn't actually put you in last place. 
  If this turns out to be the case (and it doesn't look like it will), Kevin 
Sabbe's last place finish is his 10th all-time, placing him 5th on the 
all-time list.

- It has now been 78 weeks since Bill Ellis, current holder of The Slate, 
has won the week.  Adam Jennings is at 73, and Scott Farnsworth is at 70.

- Ken Vis, Patrick Godsey, Kurt Schwartz are each 14-0 with the Colts.

- Diane Emerton is 14-0 with the Texans.

- We're not sure that anyone has ever gone 16-0 with any one team.  Perhaps 
JLee can help us out.

- Eric Emerton did a full rant on how bad the Bills were near the beginning 
of this season.  He is now 13-1 in Bills games.  One reason why he's winning 
this pool.
- Kurt Schwartz is 13-1 in Giants games.
- Bill Ellis and Robert Hassanali are 13-1 with the Titans.

- Chris Sabbe is 12-30 games involving the Broncos, Jaguars, and Redskins.  
2-1 this week.

- Only Patrick and Kathy and Sullivan went 6-1 in "swing games" this week, 
and they finished 1st-2nd this week.  Emerton's "swing game" stat continues 
to show merit, as it has all season.

- Nobody has yet to win a single point by picking San Francisco to win.

- Diane Emerton is 3-12 with her 1-pick.
- Mike Schussel, in last place by 35 points, is 12-3 with his 3-pick.


Picks of the Week
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It's more love for Patrick in this segment, as the voting public seems to 
prefer the "calculated" 7-spot on his underdog Chargers compared to just 
prideful foolishness.  BAMF received half the votes (none of them from his 
brother) to earn his 9th career POW, which surprisingly puts him 2nd on the 
all-time list.
         Adam's Green Bay 12-pick wasn't very good before the game started, 
and looks even worse in retrospect.  Jennings gets his 4th career COW which 
puts him somewhere on the all-time list.


Next Week!
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The Playoff Line suddenly became a contested border!
There are still some longshot possibilities, but basicallly JLee and Patrick 
are the two leopards, and they're stalking a big pack of slow water buffalo. 
  They're both within 10 points, and the good news for them is all they have 
to do is catch the slowest game -- DOliver, Kathy Walser, Money Retsek, and 
Bill Ellis are all within 15 points of elimination.

In NFL action, we don't have very many hot rivalries, sad to say. Diane's Bills go to Godsey's Bengals, but she's already conceded that one. Raiders go to Denver, but they've already probably conceded that one. Money's Bears go to Bill Ellis's Packers, but Money's "full boat" is usually 
a 5.  So we'll see.

We'll have to look to the actual pool for excitement:
Will the Retseks rebound from their snafu?
Will Sullivan continue his charge?
Will anybody but Sullivan take a risky charge before the playoffs?

HOLY MOLY!  Hot scoop!
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This just in.  Right here, right now, at the Uptown Cafe in San Luis Obispo, 
California, Money Retsek has taken a bite of his pumpkin bread, swallowed, 
and announced that he is going to "bring it" to Lambeau.  And by bring it, 
he means the full package.  Bill Ellis, just two points ahead of Money for 
the last playoff spot, now has a dilemna.  Does he sell out his Pack to keep 
pace with Money?  Or does he foolishly, proudly, "bring it back"?  Even with 
low points on the Pack, the game could have playoff implications for the two 
of them.  On Christmas night!


HOLY COW!  Money's not done yet!
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In addition to his 16 on the Bears, Money is now announcing he's bringing a 
whole armada of ships to the war.  He's attacking Raider Nation with his 
15-pick, and he's bringing the Ravens against Kevin Sabbe's Vikings with his 
14-pick.  He's officially on board Mike Godsey's "I hate Eli Manning" 
submarine with his 11-pick, and there's even talk he's going to "bring it" 
at Arrowhead against BAMF's Bolts.  Hot stuff.

Remember: You heard it here first.
And remember: Almost all games are on Saturday this week.  10am Saturday.

See ya next week.