Recap Part 1...
-Hello and welcome to FMNFLP Raceway for the 17th and final qualifying race
on the FMNFLP circuit. I'm Ken Smith, and I'm in the booth with Ron Jones.
The engines are rumbling, and everyone is waiting for the green light.
- There are a few racecars we're going to keep a special eye on tonight.
Kathy Wathy, in the #2 car, was a major player in this circuit until she
started a feud with the Godsey Brothers and started driving drunk. But
she's won two straight qualifying races, including the last one with one eye
shut.
- We'll also be watching the pace cars, driven by Bill Ellis and Robert
Emerton, who have had it in cruise control all season, unfazed by the
honking behind them.
- And the Jenaroo car is worth watching. Jen struggled early in the season,
completely baffled by the Florida-shaped hairpin turn called "J-Ville Bend,"
but she has it figured out and now she's back in the race.
- The drivers must finish in the Top 12 in order to qualify for the big--AND
THEY'RE OFF!!
- Well, all except the #10 car with the big green dollar sign on the hood.
Appears that Retsek is having engine problems!
- Oh no! How awful! After 16 weeks, it all comes to this. All the cars in
the back of the pack are swerving around the stationary Moneymobile. And
Money does not look pleased.
- It's going to be difficult for Money to finish in twelth with an engine
that won't start.
- Meanwhile, as the cars approach the first bend, the Giants beat the
Redskins, and Kathy cuts Mr. Emerton's lead in half.
- But I thought Emerton was a Giants fan.
- He is, but he's the type of Giants fan who, even if his team is favored,
will pick the Redskins.
- Interesting. Hey, what's up with that big rig that's trailing the race?
- That's actually Mike Schussel's racecar. He did really well in the middle
of the season when the qualifying races took place on downhill ramps, but
he's struggled since the return to the "flat style" of racetrack.
- Is he not allowed to change cars?
- No, he is. But, in his words, "I like to keep it real. I love you, man."
- HOLY MOLY, what is Kurt Schwartz driving?
- It appears to be a Redskin boat. Both and he and Franzen. That's an
interesting decision.
- At least they showed up this week.
- Yeah, sort of.
- It appears that D.Oliver is trying (unsuccessfully) to draft on the
Redskin boat.
- Yeah, that's not really working. The playoff line is starting to loosen
up a little.
- What's up with Godsey? I thought he hated the Giants.
- He does, but for this race, it appears he's gone more conservative than
anyone else in the pool. He's just driving his four-door cranberry-colored
Saturn at about 65 mph.
- Well, we're at halftime of the morning games, and it looks like we can
circle the Rams.
- That pretty much eliminates Adam Jennings and Kevin Sabbe, and really
stings Bill Ellis, who falls all the way back to sixth!
- And Kathy Wathy, with an 11 on the Road Rams, PASSES THE LEADER!
- That didn't take very long.
- And the Jets are beating the Raiders by ten. Can we circle them?
- We circled them yesterday.
- Ah yes, I forgot. And now, it looks like the Chiefs are crushing the Jag
at Arrowhead, and Mr. Emerton RETAKES THE LEAD. Wego and Godsey have
cruised ahead of the playoff line, but Tully Wyatt, Chris Sabbe, JLee, and
Eric Emerton, ALL EX-DOMERS, are virtually tied for the final two spots.
- And now it looks like the Saints are finally rolling over, so all four of
those Domers creep up a little bit on Wego and The Man.
- With a Seahawk win, Zack Schwartz PULLS INTO SECOND PLACE! He and Kathy
are trading paint, just inches from Mr. Emerton's bumper. Jenaroo also gets
a turbo boost and pulls within two of the playoff line. Godsey's Saturn has
officially been caught by the pack, and he is barely holding onto 10th
place. Wego looks safe; nobody else does.
- While we wait for the Browns to suck just a little bit more, let's go down
to Andrea, who's hanging out in the Money Pit. Andrea?
- It seems that the Money Pit is as baffled as ever. The Retsek team works
together, and Jenaroo's car is working just fine. It's almost inexplicable,
but they're blaming themselves for a lack of oversight on the computer
system. They also wish they hadn't skipped the test run yesterday.
- Thanks, Andrea. Certainly a tragic finish for the former champ.
- Well, the Browns have sucked just enough now for us to circle the Texans.
This would virtually eliminate D.Oliver. And Kathy's engine is visibly
sputtering a little now. She is getting passed by Bill Hassanali, she is
getting passed by Bill Ellis, and now she is being passed by Diane Emerton.
SIX CARS are within 8 lengths of the still-leader, Mr. Emerton. The playoff
line is at an ABSOLUTELY INSANE 21 points!
- Meanwhile, the Titans are losing by 3, but Vince Young JUST WINS FOOTBALL
GAMES, and it's a big turn in this race. The 3 cars ahead of the playoff
line have NE logos, and the 3 cars just missing the playoffs all have Titan
logos. We'll keep an eye on that game.
- Meanwhile, all the cars are currently lapping the MoneyMobile for the
fourth time. All the cars except the Jennings Jalopy, which is actually
barely beating Money's car with 8 points.
- The Bengals just missed the game-winning field goal, so Diane's black and
gold racecar is still grindin' near the front of the pack. If the Steelers
win, FIVE PLAYERS WILL BE WITHIN 4 POINTS OF THE LEADER.
- AND THAT'S EXACTLY WHAT HAPPENS! A 70-yard strike by Big Ben, and so now
Mr. Emerton is still in front by a single point. Zack and Hassanali are
BOTH one point out, Bill is 2 points out, and Diane is 4 points out.
- What happened to the Wathymobile?
- She's sputtering, but still only 8 points out.
- And now they're speeding down Patriot Straightaway, and Z-A-C-K ZACK ZACK
ZACK takes the lead by 4.
- So that takes care of the morning games. Where we at?
- Well, we have 5 cars in the front pack, and then Patrick, Wego, and Kathy
are all about 18 points out. Scott Wyatt, Chris Sabbe, Eric Emerton, and
Mike Godsey are all currently in the playoffs, but JLee and KenDoggie are
within 10 points, and Funky Wyatt has all his big points still in play.
- What are the big games still in play?
- Sabbe needs the Bills to win, and he'll basically seal up a playoff spot.
If the Ravens win, he'll move to the wrong side of the line. JLee and
KenDog both have the Packers, and Doggie actually has them for 8. He'll
pull within 1 of Godsey if the Pack wins.
- Any others? The other games will have a little impact, but most of the
pool has the same big points on the favorites.
- Well, fantastic times. How bout we take a commercial break?
- We'll be right back.
Recap Part 2...
(NOTE: All stats are unofficial. We've made mistakes before.)
- Welcome back. I'm Ron; that's Ken. We're here (live) at FMNFLP Speedway
for the final qualifying race for the big show. When we left off, Zack was
leading the race but had FOUR other cars within 8 lengths of his back
bumper. Chris Sabbe is temporarily holding onto his playoff spot, but he
really needs the Bills to pull off an upset victory. Money's car is still
stalled at the starting line -- Money has finally gotten out of the car to
talk with a race official, but it doesn't look like an appeal will be heard
-- a very sad scene. The playoff line is an absurd 26 points, and
KenDoggie, JLee, and Tully Wyatt are all hoping for the Ravens to virtually
boot Sabbe and open up an extra playoff spot. Godsey is cruising, but he
hasn't qualified yet.
- Well, at halftime, the Bills still haven't scored yet, so Sabbe's not
in
the playoffs yet.
- Now, we're not going to circle any teams yet, but we are going to "tab"
some teams that are winning.
- Okay.
- The Chargers are up by 10, so Mr. Emerton RETAKES THE LEAD, but he has
FOUR CARS WITHIN FIVE LENGTHS. And the playoff line is at a ridiculous 24
points.
- And as the cars take streak down the Manning Turnpike, JLee pulls Lamont
within 2 points of Godsey's cranberry Saturn for the final playoff spot.
- It appears that KenDoggie's car is out of gas. And the FunkyCar looks
like it's pulling into the pit for another early retirement.
- Meanwhile, Sabbe is trying to take the turn in Buffalo, but he spins wide
with yet another Baltimore field goal. JLee PASSES SABBE'S BUG AND GODSEY'S
SATURN AND TAKES THE 11TH SPOT. SABBE FALLS TO THE UNFORTUNATE 13TH
POSITION. Diane Emerton is now TIED with Mr. Emerton, and Bill Ellis is
bumping them both from just a point back.
- With the Eagle lead, Diane TAKES THE LEAD, and Sabbe TIES GODSEY for the
12th spot.
- But Sabbe only has a 6 on the Broncos! That's an oil slick! He's back
in
13th now, and Mr. Emerton has TIED DIANE. Ellis and Hassanali are just 3
points back. Zack is 6 back, and Kathy is back within 10.
- Why is Sabbe picking against good teams that need to win?
- Well, I have no idea. That's something you'll have to ask Sabbe.
- But Sabbe had his phone taken by his boss.
- Well. I don't know what to say about that.
- Maybe it's time for a gamebreak.
- Let's do a gamebreak. Phil?
- I'm out here in Denver, where the Big Honkers are holding on to somewhat
safe 12-point lead over Ronbo's Warriors. The win would pay for Godsey's
trip to Vegas for the FunkyBowl. Ronbo has Mike Bell still running, and the
Denver defense. Unless the Broncos return an interception for a touchdown
or something, we can almost circle this game. AND THERE GOES ALEX SMITH
THROWING A TOUCHDOWN PASS TO THE WRONG TEAM. Godsey's not in Vegas, yet.
- And JLee isn't in the playoffs yet. The Bills just touched down, so
that's a 2-point game in Baltimore.
- And in fact JLee's car JUST HIT JAY CUTLER. Just drilled him. The Niners
are now winning, and the Ravens just went up 10, so JLee -- AS IT STANDS --
is going to make it to the postseason.
- Sabbe's six-spot on Denver is now starting to look golden! They're all
tied up!
- With the Denver game going to overtime, here they go on their final lap!
Racing for the playoffs, it's Godsey, then JLee, Jenaroo, and then Sabbe's
bug. If the Niners win, JLee's in, Jen's out, and Sabbe and Godsey will
fight it out during the Packer game. If the Broncos win, Godsey's in, Sabbe
is out, and JLee and Jen will fight it out during the Packer game.
- Meanwhile Godsey's trip to Vegas is on thin ice. The Big Honkers are up
95-88 with Frank Gore, but Ronbo has Mike Bell, Denver D, and the Packer
kicker.
- Holy Christ! What if the Broncos and Niners tie?
- Good question. It appears that in the case of a tie, Godsey and JLee
would move on.
- But OH NO, Jenaroo's car goes up and over the embankment on Nedney Turn,
and she is out of the race. JLee pulls ahead, and it's Sabbe's Bug and
Godsey's Saturn trading paint down the final straightaway in desperation for
the final playoff spot. Godsey is especially interested in Bear Dominance,
since the only thing keeping him and his Honkers from Vegas for the
FunkyBowl is the kicker for the Packers. The Honk is up by 10 going into
the game.
- Meanwhile, it's Bill Ellis and Eric Emerton side-by-side trying to win the
actual qualifying race. If Bill's Packers win, he'll not only win the
qualifying race, he'll take the pole position for the playoff race. If the
Bears win, Eric will win the weekly race, and his wife and father will be
tied for the overall lead.
Part 3....
Packer Pride puts Bill on top
All 12 playoff players within 30 points
---------------------------------------------
After a crazy year, and a pretty non-sensical Week 17, some things made a
lot of sense at the end. Brett Favre went out on top, taking lone Packer
fan Bill Ellis with him. JLee's Niners clinched a last-minute playoff spot
for JLee. Green Bay ultimately sent Godsey packing, after he's made a
career of unsuccessfully betting against Favre. And Sabbe snuck in the
playoffs, even though he picked Buffalo to beat Baltimore, because the
Broncos gave up a 17-point lead at home in a must-win game against the
Niners, and the RoadPackers beat the top-seeded team in the conference.
Which also makes sense.
And so after a pretty crazy season, we're finally ready for what might
be the craziest playoff race in FMNFLP history. Bill Ellis has the pole
position, but Diane Emerton, Robert Emerton, and Robert Hassanali are all
within four points. And there's barely any space between them and the rest
of the pack -- all 12 playoff players are within 30 points, and thus really
and truly, all 12 players have a shot at the Slate. Especially when all 12
of them have to choose between the RoadChiefs and Indy's run defense.
There's an extensive FMNFLP history lesson already written (located in
the 2005 achives under "playoff preview") that's worth reading, but
in a
nutshell: This is a historic year. In years past, a 15-point lead was
considered relatively tenuous, and we've never seen anything like a playoff
line at 30 points (it's usually around 80). Rarely do we have more than 3-4
players making a run at the leader; now all of them have a chance. Sabbe
once gained 52 points on the leader IN ONE WEEK, and he's only 30 back.
Stats!
-------
The weekly win was Bill's 3rd of his career, and 2nd this season.
This was the 18th time Adam Jennings has finished in last place, second only
to Franzen's 19 times.
The regular season money winner was Wego, with $71, thanks much to his
perfect week jackpot he split with Money. Without the aid of the jackpot,
Kathy Wyatt made the most ($60).
The Brothers Belt goes one more time to the Godseys, despite making less
money than the Sabbe boys or the Wyatt boys. Patrick finished higher than
Scott and Chris, and Mike finished higher than Tully and Kevin.
Patrick went 10-0 with his 16-pick. Everybody else missed at least one game
at every rank.
Nobody went 16-0 with any one team.
Wyatt and Zack went 15-1 with the Chargers
Wego went 15-1 with the Raiders
Hassanali went 15-1 with the Bears
Hassanali, virtually tied for first place, went 4-12 with the Redskins
Nobody picked more games correctly than Bill and Patrick
If Only.....
If Arizona had won, KenDoggie would've been in the playoffs.
No other single game would've gotten somebody into the playoffs who isn't
there now.
Except if Denver, Chicago, Washington, Atlanta, Buffalo, New Orleans, Miami,
or Tennessee had won, Godsey would be in the playoffs.
If Cincy could kick a field goal, Bill Ellis would have a 15-point lead on
everyone but Mr. Emerton.
Zack Schwartz would've won the week if Denver held on. Or with a Dolphin
win. Or Browns.
Sabbe wins the week with the Bucs or Buff.
Schussel wins with the Cardinals or the Bengals. Or the Falcons.
JLee would've won the week with a Titan victory.
Eric and Diane would've tied for the weekly top spot with a Jag win.
E would've won outright if the Bears had shown up.
Diane would've won outright if the Raiders, Redskins, or Cowboys had won.
Hassanali would've won if the Saints had won.
If the Vikings had won, Bill Ellis would STILL have won the week. If any
other game had gone differently, he wouldn't have.
POW!
--------
It appears that nobody has voted for POW or COW yet, which would be fine,
because we could just decide it on our own, but there's a rumor that the
Polling Page wasn't up until relatively recently. So the polls will stay
open for another day.
Next Week!
---------------
Let's get it on!
Zack's J-E-T-S at Sully's Patriots
Chiefs at Indy
Cowboys at Seahawks
Giants at Eagles
We believe that everyone understands the playoff rules. If you need a
refresher, check out the Rulebook, or go to the Stats page, look at the 2005
archive, and click on "playoff preview."
Four players will be eliminated this weekend. Picks are due Saturday
morning. Good luck and see you then....
|
