U-G-L-E-E! We ugly!
Emerton #2 takes Weak #2
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Just one week after Diane Emerton took the week with the third-worst point
total (94) in FMNFLP history, her father-in-law Robert Emerton downstaged
her by taking the $15 with a mere 89 points over zero. To put this in
perspective, Jen Alley once beat Adam Jennings by 93 points. Robert
Snedegar once scored 87 points in a 15-game week -- and finished in LAST
place. Overall, last week's average score of 63.9 was the second-lowest in
the history of 16-game weeks; this week's average score of 72 was
fifth-worst. And it's probably safe to say this was the worst 2-week combo
in FMNLP history, much less to start a season.
But it doesn't matter how it's done: The senior Emerton now has his 4th
all-time weekly win, and pulls within a point of Diane's yearly lead in the
process. In fact, the Emertons have made the FunkyPool a family affair thus
far: Diane won Week 1; Robert won Week 2; and Eric is in 6th place overall.
No matter how strong the mafia-like grip, however, the Emertons aren't
the only old-school family up near the top. Money and Jen have the Retseks
in the 2nd and 8th spots, and the elder Godsey is only 3 points out. Too
bad the Sabbes (19 and 21) and the Walser-Wyatts (15-17) haven't shown up
yet.
Picks of the Week:
--------------------------
Overall voting was down a little (no Sabbe? no DOliver? no Wego? C'mon
people), but not lacking in diversity. Six different picks were nominated
as Best of the Week, but Money's solo shot on the Redskins was the clear
favorite. After officially declaring his hatred of the Cowboys, Money has
refused to pick Dallas for many, many years. And that's awesome.
Seven different picks were sized for rainbow wigs, but somehow only
Franzen's 11 on the Bills received multiple nominations. All-time COWs will
be available for your viewing pleasure next week, and rest assured that
Franzen will be up near the top of that list.
Marti Willis Never Existed
-----------------------------------
Just a few weeks after he seemed to question the FunkyPool's existence,
Marti Willis was--in Orwellian fashion--unincluded in the FMNFLP. Last
week, we wrote in Dave Winter's obituary that his defining characteristic
was that he had no defining character. Well, according to the FMNFLP
website, the man that used to be called Marti has no weekly wins, no
records, no streaks, no stats at all. No face. He apparently never made
any picks. Please delete this email when you're done reading and you won't
get vaporized yourself.
Call-outs, last week
--------------------------
Mike Godsey (1-0) beats Kevin Sabbe ("You've sunk my battleship!")
Kathy Walser (1-0) ("ha ha Patrick I win") beats Patrick Godsey (0-1)
Call-outs, this week:
---------------------------
Patrick Godsey has declared that the era of "automatic full boats" on
the
Chargers is over. No more thoughtless 16s. But this week, he's putting "a
real full boat" on the Chargers over the Giants and Eli "I will never
play
for the Chargers" Manning--and he dares Scott "I'm back" Wyatt will
do the
opposite. The game is on national TV, Sunday night. We'll see if Scott
"PROPS TO MY ROAD NY FOOTBALL GIANTS" Wyatt will show up, behind the
backstop, 6pm. No blades.
Last week, Money Retsek regretted picking against "his" Bears at home
("I
should really root for my team a little more... Go Bears!!"). If he hadn't
bet against them last week, he'd have won the week and would be winning the
pool overall. This week, he gets a second chance. Mike Godsey brings his
full BengalBoat to Chicago to see if Money wants to get it on.
You would have won if....
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Kurt: If the Raiders had won.
Godsey: If the Saints, Chargers, or Texans had won.
Sullivan: If the Dolphins, Cardinals, or Niners had won.
Money: If the Falcons, Bills, or Lions (or if you hadn't picked against your
Bears so high!) had won.
E: If the Jaguars or Vikings had won.
Kathy: If the Ravens or Patriots had won (worst to first!)
And finally, it's time for...
CAN WE JUST SAY?
----------------------------
That that "bonus" MNF game, which seemed like a great idea, was just about
the most painful thing to the eyes since that Dodgers-A's World Series. Not
only did the wrong team win, not only was it terrible football, not only was
it never even close, not only did the very same New Yorkers who just a few
years ago were like "Waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah...everybody feel sorry for us...we
just lost two buildings" use their JUMBOTRON to pump up the crowd noise so
that the "your home is our home" Saints had to go on a silent count; not
only did we have to see an entire section of poor black Saints fans with
their faces in their hands thinking "not only did I just lose my house, my
dog, and my favorite stripclub, but I, for some reason, thought it would be
a great idea to travel all the way to New York to see my team suck"; not
only did we have to watch one announcer give Tagliabue a backrub while
another announcer gave him oral romancing while announcer asked him just
*exactly* how great and wonderful he was for playing an extra nationally
televised game (which makes them at least an extra hundred million dollars)
with a celebrity telethon (which costs them nothing), where they can get
hours of wonderful publicity for the league and millions of dollars raised
not for New Orleans but for the "BushClintonReliefFund" named after two
presidents whose environmental policies may have actually contributed to the
hurricane's strength and whose economic policies certainly didn't help
everyone during the evacuation; not only did we have to hear Tags answer
"well, the answer to that is really really really really great and
wonderful...four reallys," but we also had to listen to Lenny Kravitz remind
us that he's won a grammy, that he's still alive, that he might put out a
record soon if anybody remembers him, and "a lot of great music has started
in New Orleans." Thanks, Lenny, for taking time out of your busy schedule
to get some free pub--I mean, get flown out to New York to wear your $500
sunglasses in the studio (while some people don't have the gas money to go
find the rest of their family) and tell us that great music came from that
city. Oh yeah, and people too. John Elway said that "anybody can give
money. I wanted to do something more." Like answer telephones on TV? Does
anyone think that they called Tony Danza's publicist and not the other way
around?
Good thing the NFL didn't play the game at LSU and let all the poor
now-homeless blacks who were trapped in the SuperDome come watch the game
for free and just actually donate the tax-deductible $5 million out of their
$4 billion bankroll. That wouldn't've been as great and wonderful, or as
glitzy and profitable.
And yes, I would've won the week if the Saints had won the game. And
yes, maybe if I had put those points on the Giants, or if maybe the rest of
the pool had cared a little bit more about the people of New Orleans and put
more points on the Saints than me, or if maybe a tight end could CATCH A GOD
DAMN PASS FOR THE LOVE OF JESUS...a little Bon Jovi might've been rather
invigorating. Mighta got the toe tapping. Maybe I could've given 10% of my
weekly profits to the people of Old Orleans. But as it stands, the money
goes 100% to an ex-New Yorker. Classic.
Coming Next Week:
---------------------------
JLee should have his record book back in effect, along with some COW/POW
stats, and an official total on "number of weeks since Eric Emerton has won
a week." In the meantime, on the "new" StatsCentral, the seeds planted
by
new webmaster are starting to sprout. Might wanna check those out. Good
luck, and see ya next week.
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