"I thought the idea was to win the slate..."
                                            - Diane Emerton, last Wednesday


-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
The Definition of Good: Diane misses 5 points; wins her 2nd week in 2005
After week of smack, all talkers walk the walk, finish in money
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
It all started when Scott Wyatt said maybe we should make plans to see Eli 
Manning in the Super Bowl, and Mike Godsey expressed extreme doubts in the 
sagacity of such a course of action.  Scott then went into relative hiding, 
and Godsey was accused of nepotism, Funky's sanity was questioned, Godsey's 
loyalty was mocked, Godsey's integrity was slandered, testicular sacks were 
termed "relatively shrivelly," the Dolphins were kicked while down, the Bucs 
were proven overrated, the Raiders were bashed, the Bills were hated, "team 
pride" was attacked on several levels in several directions, nepotism was 
counter-charged, stupidity was defined, Emerton blamed Godsey for 
disregarding facts, Godsey lectured Emerton on sample sizes, and finally, to 
complete the circle, a sports columnist from espn.com offered a defense of 
Scott's Giants.  After Funky Wyatt, Mike and Pat Godsey, and Eric and Diane 
Emerton combined for 5,149 words of smack (yes, we counted), football was 
played at last, and the talkers were given opportunity to show their walk.
       And walk they did, they walked all over you.  All five of them, in 
fact, finished in the money.  Eric Emerton, after a passionate defense of 
the Golden Mean, finished in the money for the 5th straight week.  Tully 
Wyatt backed his talk with a 5th place finish.  Patrick, after announcing 
his full boat because the "Raiders suck ass," rode his Chargers to 3rd 
place.  His brother Mike, frustrated by what he terms "lack of team pride" 
in the pool overall, put 378 dots on Money's Bears and Diane's Bills (along 
with a 188-dot full boat on his own team) and finished just one point from 
the weekly win.  But it was Diane Emerton who correlated team pride with 
"blind stupidity," and then backed up her words with a conservative game 
plan, and her second weekly win of the young season.
        Diane's win is at least the fifth chapter in what is turning out to 
be a book titled "Emerton Dominance," co-authored by Diane, Eric, and Papa, 
and is being sold for a little over $12 a week.  With her 2nd weekly win, 
Diane now has more money than SchussDaddy, Hassanali, Farnsworth, the Sabbe 
brothers, Jen, Bill, Wego, and Franzen combined.  Eric Emerton has won money 
in five straight weeks, tying for the second-best streak of all-time.  And 
of course, Papa Emerton is still atop the standings overall.  The Emertons 
have won 5 of the 6 weeks this year so far, and are 1st, 3rd, and 4th in the 
season standings.  They have made roughly one-third of all the prize money 
offered so far this year.
        To the FunkyPool analysts in the booth, the Top 5 now has a funky 
look.  The Emertons have dominated the pool with relatively conservative 
picks.  Robert has stayed very quiet and close to the Vegas line, Eric has 
publicly announced that "middle of the road gets it done at the FunkyDome," 
and Diane has correlated "team pride" with "blind stupidity."  It's 
difficult to argue with success, but rounding out the Top 5 are Jason 
Sullivan and Mike Godsey, two notorious "loose cannons" with 20 COWs between 
them.  Sullivan's money finish this week was his 54th of his career, 4th on 
the all-time list; and Godsey's money finish was his 64th, the most in 
FunkyPool history.  Behind them is Money with his two Slates, and wife 
Jenaroo.  Elsewhere in the pool there was plenty of shuffling overall, but 
everyone above the playoff line stayed above, and everyone below the playoff 
line stayed below.

Other randomness:
---------------------------
- Scott Farnsworth finishes in last place for the 13th time in his life, 
tying him for 3rd all-time with Eric Franzen.  Adam Jennings and Mike Godsey 
lead the league.

- Diane's weekly win is #6 in her life, 12th on the all-time list.

- There were 4 ("swing") games this week in which more than 1/3 of the pool 
picked each team.  SchussDaddy was the only one who was 4-0 in these games.  
And still he finished 19th.

- It has now been 14 weeks since our reigning champion Bill Ellis has won 
any weekly cash, and it has been 88 weeks since our 3-time Slate winner has 
won the week.

- Sabbe and Farnsworth are still picking fewer than half their games 
correctly  (85/176).

- Jason Sullivan is still a combined 18-0 with his 14-, 12-, and 11-pick.

- Jen Retsek is 12-0 with her 14- and 13-pick.

- Scott Farnsworth has still not gotten his "2 game" right all season (0-6), 
and Diane has yet to nail her "1 game" (0-6).

- Over 300 points have been wagered *against* the Broncos this year, and 
none of them have cashed in.  If Godsey had put his "2" on the Broncos 
instead of the Patriots, he would've won the week.  In Week 4, if KenDoggie 
had put his "7" on the Broncos to win, rather than lose, he would've won the 
week.  Funky Wyatt would've won Week 3 if he had put his anti-Bronco points 
on the Broncos to win.  If Kurt had put his "3" on the Broncos instead of 
against them, he would've won Week 2.  And finally, if Eric Emerton had 
clicked the Bronco helmet in Week 3, he would have his 88-week winless 
streak snapped.

- Chris Sabbe is 0-6 picking Bronco games.  He has wasted 25 points picking 
against them over the past 5 weeks, after losing 12 points *on* them in Week 
1.  Those 37 points would put him in 14th place, just 16 points from the 
playoffs.  Sabbe is also 0-5 in Redskins games.

- Scott Farnsworth is 0-6 in games involving the Panthers.  0-5 in games 
involving the Vikings.  He has lost 87 points on these games.

- Eric Franzen is 0-6 in games involving the Bills.  If he had won those 37 
points squandered on Bills games, he would be tied with Money in 6th place.

- Wego is 0-5 in Cowboy games.  Recapturing those 30 points would put him 
above the cut.

- Money is the only one who is 5-0 with the Ravens.  Bill is alone with a 
5-0 record with the Chiefs.  E Emerton is 6-0 with the Bills.

- DOliver is 18-0 with the Colts, Bengals, and.....Jets?

- Sullivan is 15-0 with the Giants, Eagles, and Bears.  Ew.


HOT!
-------
Eric Emerton - 5 straight in the money
Mike Godsey - from 12th to 5th in one week
Kathy Walser - 3 straight weeks in the Top 10

So cold.
-----------
Farnsworth - 23rd, 21st, 19th, 24th over past four weeks.



If only....if only.....
----------------------------
1. If Dallas had lost the game (like they really tried hard to), 
Cowboy-hating Money Retsek wins the week.
2. If New Orleans hadn't gotten screwed (again) in overtime, maybe Jason 
Sullivan would've won the week.  (at least you have a house, Jason).
3. If Miami won, Bill would've won.
4. If Browns or Vikings would've won, Patrick Godsey takes it down.
5. If the Lions, Redskins, Patriots, or Texans had won, Mike Godsey would've 
won #19.


Picks of the Week
-------------------------
In what was the biggest landslide in recent memory, Scott Wyatt earned a POW 
with 6 votes on his J-Ville 4-spot.  Scott was one of only two poolsters to 
pick the Jax.  Patrick Godsey called out Raider Nation and took 3rd place 
with his 285 dots on the Bolts, but the "team pride" thing is clearly 
wearing thin in FunkyNation.  Ken Vis also got ups for his Bears pick, and 
Robert voted for himself.
    COW was a bit closer, but Farnsworth's love for the RoadTexans was 
shunned as perverted and wrong by FunkySociety.  Lucky for Scott, there is 
no "3 Strikes" law in the FMNFLP.

Most dots won: PG, SD for 14 (285)
Most dots lost: SF, Hou for 6 (- 431)


Can We Just Say?
-------------------------
There's cheering for the Browns when they were pathetic.  And then there's 
cheering for the Padres against the Cardinals.  And then there's cheering 
for the RoadTexans with the Weekly Win on the line.  Just a whole new level 
of hopelessness.  Kickoff is like when you hit a squirrel with your van, and 
the rest of the game watching it to see if it's going to live.

Just saying.




Call-outs
------------
CHARGERS/RAIDERS: Patrick "Raiders suck ass" Godsey's Super14 takes down 
DOliver's and KenDoggie's quiet 14 on the Raiders


Call-ins
---------
BUCS/DOLPHINS: Godsey's Bucs silence the critics, but none of the three 
critics actually put points against them this week.  For good reason.

BRONCOS/PATRIOTS: Kathy showed up with her 14, of course, but Sullivan 
couldn't muster more than a 4 on his defending champs.  For good reason.

BEARS/VIKINGS: Not even Kevin could float a full Viking ship, and Money came 
out with a lackluster 1 on the Bears.



"Call-out" feature of Weekly Recap called out!
---------------------------------------------------------------
The editorial staff here at Weekly Recap thought the "Call-out" feature of 
this publication might serve the same purpose as fights in hockey games.  
Sometimes they're bad for the team, sometimes bad for the fighters, but 
always good entertainment, and truly an opportunity for a player to show 
loyalty to his teammate, his team, or his own pride.  Which is often more 
important than a goal here and there during the regular season.
    However, after lackluster participation, allegations of "baiting" (oh 
no!), and even some negative feedback from the viewers themselves, we did 
some self-reflection and wondered: Is this "call-out feature" a Recap-thing, 
or a Godsey-thing?  Sure, Kathy puts a 14 on her Broncos, but that's with or 
without a call-out.  Maybe this "call-out" thing is Godsey-centric, and 
unsuccessfully Godsey-centric at that.  So we took an informal poll of the 
poolsters to observe their thoughts on "team pride":

24% indicated they have no team.
84% indicated they have no pride.
56% indicated their team sucks outright.
44% indicated they didn't know what we were talking about, but yes, it's 
probably Godsey-centric.
12% indicated they believe "team pride" is an evil conspiracy designed to 
lure unsuspecting fans into unreasonable and excessive investment of points 
and thus keeping the Slate in the hands of "The Man."
4% indicated that "The Bucs rock! Wanna bet? Pewter Power, Bitch! The 
Bengals rule, too! Wanna bet?  Team Pride rules! If Money won't take the 
Bears big, I'll take pride for him!  If Diane wants to make fun of the 
Bills, I'll get their backs, too!  Let's bet!  Woooooooooooooo-hoooooooooo 
I'm drunk with power!  Or Guinness!  Yeah Chargers, fuck yeah!"
24% indicated that facts show: Every Sunday, thousands and thousands of 
dollars are lost on points foolishly wasted on beloved teams.  This money 
could be used on cars.
8% indicated that team pride "can only bring you harm."

We put our findings in a computer, and using a program called "Microsoft 
Word," the conclusion was clear: the idea of pitting one person's favorite 
team against another person's favorite team is antiquated and/or stupid 
and/or evil.  Stupid and evil never bothered us, but antiquated?Yuck.  
"Weekly Recap" is fresh and bold.  Thus, no more "call-outs" on this show -- 
if you want to gamble on your team, you do it somewhere else.
       Starting next week, we'll replace "Call-out!" with a new parade of 
features, like "Who really has the worst team?" and we'll talk with Dr. Drew 
in next week's inside look at "What happens to a man's brain after he has a 
child?"


Next Week:
----------------
Broncos at Giants.  Kathy comes to town.  Can Scott defend the turf?
Bills at Raider Nation.  Confusion from fans of both coasts.
Pitt at Cincy.  Will the real Bengal fans please stand up?
Ravens at Bears.  We start the bidding at one point.  Do I hear one point?

See ya then....